For a long time we had felt that there was a misalignment between our values, how we were living as a family, and what we were striving for. I had been doing a lot of self-development work (yoga, mindfulness courses, nutritional education, cold-water exposure, therapy) in an attempt to alleviate the migraines. These were having a major impact on us as a family. This work allowed me to see that the things I wanted out of life, the priorities I had for us all, were not in alignment with where we were actually placing our energy and time each day. The more I learned about health being a state of equilibrium in our mind, body and spirit, and the importance I could see in dedicating time to achieving this each day, the more I felt a disconnect between what I was doing and saying, and what I actually felt.

Hitting the Pause Button on Life

Stepping out of the pressures of the school system allowed us a chance to work out our values, and design a life that was in alignment with what we wanted and felt right for us. It was clear that we had been measuring ourselves against universal metrics of success, rather than deciding upon our own. We had never really stopped to give it much conscious thought, or to evaluate what we wanted out of life and what our values were, or to decide what success really meant for us.

Life had just been mapped out for us in our sleep through subconscious programming. The career, the business, the house to match that of our childhoods, the marriage, the children, the school. This decision allowed us to hit the pause button, evaluate what was important to us all, and intentionally create a life that fitted with that.

The most important lesson for me over the last few years is that material success means nothing without your health to go with it.

Redefining Success and Meaning

The most important lesson for me over the last few years is that material success means nothing without your health to go with it. The academic success, the career success, the business success, the material gains, the competition to raise the perfect child. None of these things are actually important if you do not wake up in the morning feeling well enough to get through the day. Not just get through it, but run through it with a sense of contentment and peace. I watched these metrics of success slowly fall by the wayside as my health deteriorated, and the impact that living a life so highly geared towards needing these factors to ensure happiness had on us as a family when they failed.

It is so clear to me now that what actually matters is living a life of purpose. A life of meaning which comes from living in alignment with your beliefs and values. Deciding how you want to show up in the world, and then working hard to try to become that every day. This generates an inner contentment that creates health, and that can only come from this intentional way of living. When we started this journey, we could see that we had not been doing this. The values that we consider to be important were not what we were prioritising each day as a family. We were delivering the wrong message to the kids. Consumed by day-to-day stresses and financial concerns, we were not role modelling for them how we wanted them to live.

Discovering What Truly Matters

When we sat down and gave it some consideration we knew intuitively what it was that was important to us. We wanted to slow down and live more simply and intentionally. Prioritise quality time with the kids whilst they were still young and celebrate them as individuals. Nourish their individual strengths and interests, curating a path specific to them and their curiosities. Put the focus back into play whilst they were still young (3 and 6 years at the time), allowing them the chance to really discover the world through their own safe exploration and have time to go deeper into what interested them.

By being with us, experiencing life out in society and all the day-to-day goings on that they would have missed whilst at school, we felt they would learn real life skills and develop the necessary resilience to survive later on in the world. We felt that we had taken on the responsibility of parenting, bringing these incredible people into the world and raising them, and it was only right that we continued to be their caregivers, their guides, their safety blankets, their role models. We wanted to take full responsibility by role modelling what life can look like if they continue to work hard at it.

Life feels so much freer now; less constrained with limitless options.

The Journey Continues

This has been a two-year process with huge adaptation, and we are not there yet, but we are all better off for it. It has not been about perfection. Instead we have tried different things, failed at some and succeeded at others, reflected each time on what could be done differently and tried again. After all, what is life about if it is not these continual lessons? It has not been easy, but it still feels like the best decision we ever made as a family. It has brought us a change of perspective; on life, on our family goals, on our values. We have tried to address the mismatch between our values and wishes for the children, and how we are actually showing up for them. Life feels so much freer now; less constrained with limitless options. Most importantly the kids are both extremely content and free of the anxieties that once troubled them.

In this series of articles I have taken each of the core values that we choose to prioritise as a family and explored them in more depth. I have looked at why we chose to put emphasis on these, how we try to shape our lives around them, and why life in school made it difficult to achieve this in the same way. These values are personal to us as a family, and what is important for our circumstances, but I am hoping that by reading about the process we have been through, it may prompt you to consider what values you hold dear, and whether you are currently showcasing them in your life.